Today was the day. Grand Highblood sat on the sandy ground on the beach. He stared out into the water of the ocean. The air was so calm today, although, Highblood did not seem to show any emotion. He felt... nothing in the moment he had now. He legs were criss-cross and the small troll was in his lap. he had decided on a name. He wanted to name his child... Gamzee. He had thought about it for a while, and he hoped Goatdad would approve. He held Gamzee, a hand around his small stomach, and the small troll was playing with a finger on his other hand. He kept waiting. Watching the ocean. Begging all knowing messiahs that Goatdad would actually find a reason to come back. He glanced down at the small Makara, and he actually felt a small piece of himself break on the inside. Gamzee had a hold on his finger and he had part of it in his mouth, suckling on it almost like a binky. His ears wilted ever so slightly and he felt a deep weight in his chest. he felt a longing that no one could ever know. A longing to keep his child. Now that he had him here, he didn't know what he was going to do without him. He looked like such a splitting image of himself when he was younger. He let out a small sigh, the aching in his chest becoming stronger with each passing second. You promised yourself you wouldn't get attached... He reminded himself, closing his eyes. He tried to think of the things that had happened over the course of the last few days. Taking care of Gamzee. Treating him like a son. He was his son. Although, he still couldn't keep him, no matter how much he wanted to. He glanced up at the sky. Alternia's two moons were shining bright in the clear sky, it was almost as if they, and the many stars that were shining down upon them were silently approving of what he was doing. He didn't like it reguardless, he knew this was the right thing to do. He heard footsteps shift in the sand, not paying any attention to them as he kept staring at the sky. He could see the Capricorn constellation in the sky. This month that Gamzee was born, just like him. Capricorn. The footsteps had stopped, being replaced by whoever it was sitting next to him. There was a hand placed on his shoulder. He didn't flinch, nor pull away. He knew very well who it was. There was a silence for a few moments, the two staring into the sky.
"This is a good thing you are doing Zillyhoo... honestly I would not imagine you doing something so selfless." Said the Summoner.
This caused Highblood to give a soft, humorous snort. "Selfless. I don't know any meaning of the word. I am not a justice Summoner." He sighed softly, closing his eyes to no longer star at the stars. He listen to Gamzee whimper and whine softly, trying to find the warmth of his ancestor. "I am no saint, and you know it to be true."
The hand left his shoulder and Highblood heard Summoner shift around in the sand, "You may not be a saint, but you are a great Ancestor. You are giving your descendant a better chance at life. And that is something that is worth a thousand forgivenesses for everything you've done." He said, causing the Highblood to glance at him. Summoner was now laying down in the sand, "Your son will be fine with a lusus Zillyhoo, I just know it."
Highblood turned his head slightly to look at him, he paused for the longest time and he sighed softly, glancing back up into the sky, "How can you be so sure that he will be fine? What if something bad happens to him? What if he turns out motherfucking corrupted?? What if-"
"Highblood. Can you shut up?" Summoner chuckled slightly, causing Highblood's voice to immediately stop and he stared emotionlessly up into the sky. "If you're getting so worked up over a fucking babbi now, what are you going to be like when he's grown up? You'll be such a worrying catastrophe that you probably would never have time to rule the kingdom accordingly. He'll be fine Highblood. He'll be fine. Ticktock. Ticktock. Ticktock.
YoU ArE GaMzEe mAkArA. aNd yOu hAvE JuSt kIlLeD AlL Of yOuR FrIeNdS.
Gamzee dropped his club. He was currently taking residence in the woods. He didn't care where he was at, he could no longer stay in the veil. He had taken residence on his own planet. The Land of Tents and Mirth. He walked around, dragging his club, his held the horn of the troll he used to be flushed for for the longest time. His brown blood drips proudly on the ground as he walked. His face was twisted up into a sad, he maniacal smile. Gamzee wasn't completely there. It was like he was watching himself outside of his body, like something had taken over his brain. Something was making him it's own personal zombie. He felt dead, and cold on the inside. He felt like nothing. He was nothing. He stopped walking, staring off into space, his insane smile had slowly crept away from his face, his eyes watering ever so slightly. He only stared and stared. He slowly pulled the head of his flushcrush up to meed his gaze. He stared into those dead eyes. They were pointing in different directions, but Gamzee didn't seem to mind. After all, he had his Tavbro with him now. There was brown blood dripping from the dead Taurus' lips. He stared for a moment before he slowly brought Tavros's head closer, pursing his lips just slightly, preparing to give Tavros' lips one of his signature kisses after he kills someone.
"I wouldn't do that if I were you."
Gamzee suddenly stopped, opening his eyes once against to look at his hands. Tavros' head was no longer in the grasp of his fingers. There was nothingness. Gamzee slowly lowered his hands until they were at his side, his head tilting down. His hair covered his face and the only thing visable was another cruel smile. "Well hey motherfucker. IT'S BEEN SOME MOTHERFUCKIN' TIME HASN'T IT?! It gets so lonely here. SO MOTHERFUCKING ALONE IN THE DARK!" His head turned loosely to the side to stare at the large troll with a psychotic grin. "WHAT'S GOT YOU ALL UP AND VISITING ME MOTHERFUCKER!? MOTHERFUCKING DAAAADDYYY!! AHA!" Gamzee took a step forward, almost stumbling and he smile up at Highblood insanely and proudly, "DID YOU MOTHERFUCKING SEE IT?! I MOTHERFUCKING KILLED THEM ALL!" He laughed.
The Highblood frowned, his pure white eyes boring into Gamzee's purple. His expression was not anger. In fact, it was sadness. "You should not have. I know from experience. Now you are all alone. Everyone you once loved are now dead. You are alone."
This seemed to make Gamzee seethe, "NOT MOTHERFUCKING TRUE. I got me... AND ALSO MOTHERFUCKING MEEE~! That's all I fuckin' need." He snarled, glaring deeply at him. Although, Highblood did not flinch.
"You are angered Gamzee. but why are you truly angry?"
This seemed to make Gamzee cringe and his eyes were full of hatred and murder. "WHY AM I ANGRY?! I'm not all up and angry my brother. I'M MOTHERFUCKING ENRAGED!! I hate my fuckin' friends. Always motherfucking did." He spat and he turned his head away, his expression softened, turning more sad, "They never all up and even cared."
"You're wrong." Said the Highblood, "They all loved you so much. But you pushed them all away motherfucker. Karkat. Terezi. Equius. Tav-"
"DON'T YOU MOTHERFUCKING TELL ME ABOUT THE PEOPLE WHO LOVED ME!!" Gamzee suddenly shouted, his voice heightened from anger. "YOU SAY THEY ALL LOVED ME?! THEIR LOVE DIDN'T MOTHERFUCKING MATTER!!" He screamed, purple pooling from his eyes, "THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERED TO ME WAS IF YOU LOVED ME! YOU'RE MY ANCESTOR! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO LOVE ME NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS! BUT YOU GAVE ME AWAY!" His voice was trembling as he stared at him, "YOU GAVE ME AWAY AS IF I NEVER EVEN MATTERED TO YOU!" His translucent purple tears were flowing freely from his eyes, "I FELT LIKE SHIT FOR ALL THESE YEARS! I WONDERED WHEN YOU WERE GOING TO COME BACK! YOU AND GOATDAD! YOU WERE FUCKING AWFUL! YOU WERE SO MOTHERFUCKING WORRIED ABOUT YOUR KING STATUS THAT YOU DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TIME TO MAKE SURE YOUR OWN FUCKING SON WAS TAKEN CARE OF PROPERLY! I'VE BEEN ALONE IN MY HIVE FOR YEARS! NOT EVEN KNOWING WHAT I DID TO MAKE YOU SUDDENLY DROP ME OFF TO A LUSUS THAT DOESN'T EVEN CARE ABOUT ME! I HAVE DONE THINGS AND SEEN THINGS THAT YOU WOULDN'T EVEN BELIEVE HIGHBLOOD! I HATE YOU!" He screamed and he started punching his ancestor's chest, even though he knew it wasn't hurting him, he needed to let his rage out. And the Highblood just stood there and took it. He didn't recoil, he didn't fight back, he let Gamzee take out his anger on him. The punching began to wear out after a while, Gamzee's arms were growing tired, "I HATE YOU! I hate you! I hate you... I hate you..." He finally stopped and he sobbed freely into his ancestor's chest.
It was quiet, all you could hear through the air was Gamzee's sad sobs. Highblood was holding his breath. He took a deep sigh, his arms slowly snaking around snaking around Gamzee's smaller body as he hugged him. Gamzee tried to push him away, but after the first few tries he stopped and he leaned into the close embrace of his dead ancestor. "I am so sorry Gamzee... and now that I am dead... I see that giving you up... it wasn't worth it... I have regretted it every motherfucking day. I wished I could take it back. I wanted you back with me, knowing that you were safe and well cared for... I am sorry that I was never there for you... I have shattered the soul of a small troll before he even know what was happening. This is all my fault... and I realize... it is because of me it is the way that you are now. I have corrupted you... by not corrupting you... I haven't been there for you over the years. The years of loneliness and sadness and rage. And this... is my biggest regret."
I did it. I really did it now. They could have killed me for what I did. But I just couldn't help myself. Stealing him was wrong and I paid the price. I did it, and I faced the consequences. He was just so innocent. When innocence had gotten in my way, I just left him. I have killed millions of trolls without a care in the world. But I couldn't let him be killed. He felt something worth of value to me. I have killed millions of trolls. and giving him up was the one thing that broke me.
I promised myself I wouldn't get attached.
IT'S MY BIGGEST REGRET.
I was never there.
I WAS NEVER COMMITTED.